The Blog Code
September 30, 2003 | 11 Comments
A few years back, Michael Drosnin purported to uncover prophecies in The Bible Code by scanning the scriptures with a Kabballistic computer program. Earlier this year, Godidiot law Professor Jack Balkin used the I Ching to determine whether the United States should invade Iraq. Flawed methodologies were employed in both cases. Drosnin’s program skipped letters and reformatted margins, manipulating the text until a “prophecy” could be “recognized” somewhere in the resulting mass of word patterns. Balkin just flipped a coin to decide which of the pre-existing “hexagrams” he’d “interpret” in a manner consistent with his own pre-existing political views.
Being a scientific sort, The Raving Atheist has devised an anagramatic Blog Code which requires no manipulation or subjective interpretation. It relies solely upon the meanings of words extracted from a blog’s title, without a single letter skipped over, omitted, or repeated. Applying the methodology to my Godidiot blogroll, I obtained the following results:
Dean Esmay
A seedy man.
A sad enemy.
(No surprises here.)
Minute Particulars
I’m a cruel, rapist nut.
Usual armpit cretin.
A cunt-lust impairer.
Taut supercriminal.
Rats! Impure lunatic.
I am a turnip cluster.
I’m a curt urinal pest.
(I never would have suspected.)
Christine Lehman, A Theist Gal
She is the militant archangel.
She’s a lethargic, militant hen.
She is that chilling man-eater.
Ghastliest, heathen criminal.
Hell! An atheistic nighmares.
(Another envangelical Catholic.)
Jack M. Balkin of Balkinization
I’m anti-black flak in Nazi job, OK??
(Some liberal he turned out to be.)
Benjamin Kepple’s Daily Rant
An inane, blasted, pimply jerk.
Limp and nasty plebian jerk.
Jerky, pliant, damnable penis.
(I never thought he was that much of a jerk.)
David Sims, Clubbeaux
Sexual, viscid, bad bum.
Vicious, faded X-mas bulb.
Bad, evil scum—Axis bud.
(No wonder his blog is defunct.)
Amy Welborn, In Between Naps
Womanly, beaten web-spinner.
Worm-eaten nanny bible-spew.
(I didn’t know there was a Spiderwoman.)
Zombyboy of Resurrectionsong
Sorry! Unbecoming, frosty booze.
My boozy, softcore, boring nurse.
(I’m never going to his hospital.)
Allen Brill, The Right Christians
Grr! Hell! It’s this cannibal Hitler.
He’s a chilling, errant stillbirth.
Brattier, hellish, chilling rants.
Shh. Irritable call-girl in tent.
This rattlebrain, shrilling lech.
(Not surprising for a blog founded on abortion.)
The Secularist Critique
Cute, atheistic squirrel.
Quiet, hectic surrealist.
His queer tits circulate.
He’s a quieter slut critic.
(He never knew quite what he was.)
Eugene Volokh of The Volokh Conspiracy
Yo-ho-ho! Cocking-up loveshaft! Kneel over!
Yo-ho-ho! Not OK
September 30th, 2003 @ 2:11 pm
“My cats breath smells like cat food”
Ralph Wiggum playing the anagram game.
September 30th, 2003 @ 3:56 pm
Sorry! Unbecoming, frosty booze. (StumpJumper)
Zombyboy of Resurrectionsong Sorry! Unbecoming, frosty booze. My boozy, softcore, boring nurse. (I
September 30th, 2003 @ 4:04 pm
My boozy, softcore nurse is most definitely not boring.
Damnit.
And I’ve moved homes–I’m now at http://www.resurrectionsong.com for all your Godidioting needs.
September 30th, 2003 @ 8:49 pm
The Raving Atheist:
It’s at Heaven? Right……
Gave hint: It’s Earth!
September 30th, 2003 @ 11:28 pm
The World Wide Rant
Worn, wilted hatred.
Wanted: word Hitler.
The wild, now retard.
Wild, new, red-hot rat.
That weird, low nerd.
Wit n’ retarded howl.
Drew not idle wrath.
The narrow twiddle.
Twaddle whiner rot.
A wild, tender throw.
Lord! New wit hatred.
The wild wonder rat.
…ok, you get the idea.
October 1st, 2003 @ 3:01 am
Great post! I need some god fearing Christian to help me decipher the stains in my underwear. The message lately seems to be “fear god!” but in reality I think I need to lay off the jalapeno peppers.
October 1st, 2003 @ 8:16 am
Hey! I resent that (I think) I am most assuredly not a “…provoking, clooven-hoof cheeky lout.” I just checked my feet and they are of the un-clooven (is that a word) variety!
Now as for the “cheeky lout” bit…?
October 1st, 2003 @ 2:09 pm
Oh come now, everyone knows that anagrams don’t have any divine implications. Unless they’re in Hebrew or Aramaic. =P
October 3rd, 2003 @ 10:11 am
http://www.justagirlintheworld.com/archives/000308.html
Did Comets Make Life on Earth Possible? An ambitious new NASA research project aims to answer perhaps the most vexing and profound of scientific mysteries: How did life on Earth begin? (snip) Most scientists have long believed that life on…
October 6th, 2003 @ 1:22 am
This Cannot Be Borne
WE HAVE LEARNED that The Raving Atheist has devised a “Blog Code” to ascertain meaning from a series of blogs authored by people whom our atheist calls “Godidiots.” As it turns out, The Rant is among these seven or so…
October 6th, 2003 @ 1:24 am
Whoa. Sorry about that — my pinging function went absolutely haywire.