Hur-Ray
June 29, 2004 | 14 Comments
The verdict of America’s religious cartoonists is in, and apparently my conjecture that God would give Ray Charles telescopic/microscopic/periscopic vision in Heaven was overly-optimistic. At best, according to Messrs. Corky and Jones, he just gets his regular sight back:
Grim, however, are Ray’s propect’s under Marlette’s theology. He’s still blind as a bat, and ends up picking the nose of The Almighty while testing his braille face-reading skills:
Powell, has him sightless, too, but he gets a more appreciative (and interracial) audience:
Keefe condemns him to entertaining Ronald Reagan for eternity . . .
. . . while Morin has him almost mistaken for the Gipper:
June 29th, 2004 @ 10:51 am
That first one just scares me. I’m going to Ray Charles night terrors for weeks now.
June 29th, 2004 @ 11:08 am
Why are there no cartoons of Ray in heaven singing “I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way…”?
June 29th, 2004 @ 11:27 am
Will the same cartoonists have MIchael Bolton in hell with his mouth being sewn shut and colon stuffed with hot coals by a team of demons?
June 29th, 2004 @ 11:53 am
Ripped From Today’s Comments
What’s the half-life of this crapola? As usual, my best ideas are when I leave the internet basement thin tether of responsibility and venture forth into the wide world to spew encumbered by the thin tether of responsibility of…
June 29th, 2004 @ 11:59 am
Say, isn’t this the same God who cruelly blinded Ray at age 7?
June 29th, 2004 @ 3:29 pm
June beat me to it…
I find it interesting that Ray, being in the music biz, likely engaged in a few activities that these zealots might not approve of. And yet, they have him waltzing right through the pearly gates…
June 29th, 2004 @ 5:30 pm
The “grim” one is supposed to be a sistene chapel re-make, yes? Except in this version, instead of touching fingers, god gets thwacked. Further proof that your average cartoonist is not Mike Angelino.
June 29th, 2004 @ 7:14 pm
I think the best any of us can hope for after death is to have a cartoon drawn in our honor, especially one with all the theological depth of a midly-retarded four year old. Yeah, that’s livin’… errr, dyin’. Whatever. Shut up.
July 3rd, 2004 @ 9:55 am
This is as good a place as any for this…
Prediction: recently-dead atheist actor Marlon Brando will be depicted in numerous cartoons at the Pearly Gates with some variation on a “make him an offer he can’t refuse” joke, although some cartoonists might attempt a yealling-”Stellaaa!!!”-at-the-gates-based joke, regardless of it making no sense. Sadly, no one will do one with a reference to the creepy mini-Brando from The Island of Dr. Moreau.
July 8th, 2004 @ 7:47 am
Op-Ed Cartoonists again depict atheist in Heaven with Brando's death.
I've written in the past about the rather annoying habit of op-ed cartoonists who insist on drawing strips about the death of a famous celebrity by depicting said celebrity in Heaven. Katharine Hepburn, anyone? So it shouldn't come as any…
July 12th, 2004 @ 7:51 pm
I’ve read a number of these posts about how insensitive the cartoonists are in how they honor departed celebs, but I think they were (within the metaphor of popular mythology) just saying how great the celeb in question was. As for the Ray Charles cartoon in which he receives his sight, that’s actually standard Christian doctrine – that in heaven we receive new, glorified bodies as part of our eternal communion with God. So yes, a person with Down’s syndrome would have all his genes fixed, Ronald Reagan would indeed have “a clear mind” as GWB described, and Ray Charles would receive his sight.
Cartoonists seem to be responding to the controversy, though, and we probably will see less of this in the future. As for why critics make so much of it, I have no idea. Leaving aside the invisible-friend mythology, the cartoonist was just trying to say something nice.
My favorite post-mortem celeb cartoon was by Olliphant, after the death of Ansel Adams. It depicted the Half Dome mountain as a gigantic bust of Adams, with a tiny, insignificant Ronald Reagan standing beside it and the caption: “Two Westerners.” Of course you wouldn’t dare show that cartoon now that RR has died: his fans would lynch you.
Another by the same artist was after the Challenger explosion: it just showed an empty launch pad on a dark, empty plain under a mournful, black sky. It was so moving and appropriate. I really miss Olliphant.
July 12th, 2004 @ 9:15 pm
You Can’t Spell “Epitaph” Without “Pith”
Sorry, Queen Juliana, I got nothin’ for ya. One of my more morbid curiosities/diversions is seeing the outpouring of editorial cartoons that welcome celebrities to heaven; this is being covered in depth at the Raving Atheist. The most recent…
October 26th, 2005 @ 8:02 pm
Supermean
I got a great idea for a cartoon — Christopher Reeve, portraying Superman, flying out of his wheelchair and into Heaven! Oh, darn somebody already beat me to it. Actually, Jean-Paul Fastidious beat me to this topic in the comments, but since no one re…
October 26th, 2005 @ 8:06 pm
Branded
A few amusing thoughts from Skallas of Everything Isn’t Under Control, regarding my last post on the Cartoon Afterlife: [I]magine if a kid with down’s syndrome died (Like TV’s Corky). How appropriate would it be to draw him in the fictional afterlife a…